How to Improve Your Marriage Without Talking About It
- ISBN13: 9780767923187
- Condition: NEW
- Notes: Brand New from Publisher. No Remainder Mark.
Product Description
Men are right. The “relationship talk” does not help. Dr. Patricia Love’s and
Dr. Steven Stosny’s How to Improve Your Marriage Without Talking About It
reveals the stunning truth about marital happiness:
Love is not about better communication.
It’s about connection.
You’ll never get a closer relationship
with your man by talking to him like you
talk to one of your girlfriends.
Male emotions are like women’s sexuality:
you can’t be too direct too quickly.
There are four ways to connect with a man:touch, activity, sex, routines.
Men want closer marriages just as much as women do,but not if they has to act like a woman.
Talking makes women move closer;
it makes men move away.
The secret of the silent male is this:
his wife supplies the meaning in his life.
The stunning truth about love is that talking doesn’t help.
Have you ever had this conversation with your spouse?
Wife: “Honey, we need to talk about us.”
Husband: “Do we have to?”
Drs. Patricia Love and Steven Stosny have studied this all-too-familiar dynamic between men and women and have reached a truly shocking conclusion. Even with the best of intentions, talking about your relationship doesn’t bring you together, and it will eventually drive you apart.
The reason for this is that underneath most couples’ fights, there is a biological difference at work. A woman’s vulnerability to fear and anxiety makes her draw closer, while a man’s subtle sensitivity to shame makes him pull away in response. This is why so many married couples fall into the archetypal roles of nagging wife/stonewalling husband, and why improving a marriage can’t happen through words.
How to Improve Your Marriage Without Talking About It teaches couples how to get closer in ways that don’t require “trying to turn a man into a woman.” Rich in stories of couples who have turned their marriages around, and full of practical advice about the behaviors that make and break marriages, this essential guide will help couples find love beyond words.
How to Improve Your Marriage Without Talking About It
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This product arrived in great condition and in a very timely manner. I’m excited to get started reading.
Rating: 5 / 5
How to Improve Your Marriage Without Talking About It
There are plenty of worse psychology books around (Lord knows), and this one does offer some genuine insights - in particular, the fact that if a relationship is troubled, just talking about it can only make it worse. However, the book also offers its share of stupid ideas and bad advice. For example: “When a woman shames a man, she’s wrong even if she’s right. When a man stimulates a woman’s fear, he’s wrong even if he’s right.” (There’s more where that came from.) The book is a mix of valid information and sheer nonsense-which is average for its type. It can be useful if your relationship needs work, but there are a lot more interesting things to waste your money on.
Rating: 2 / 5
How to Improve Your Marriage Without Talking About It
I’ve been trying desperately to get through this book. It has some good points but the writing is so bad that it is painful and hard work to read. I can only handle a few pages a night. And I’m usually one to devour a book. Not worth it my opinion. The few points - shame vs fear is pretty much covered in the first chapter. After that? Downhill. Sorry!
Rating: 2 / 5
How to Improve Your Marriage Without Talking About It
This is another one of those books that holds women ultimately responsible for the success or failure of relationships.
The premise is that women want to talk and men don’t. That may be true. But the answer provided by this book? Men need to be accommodated and women should accommodate them! Gee - what a novel concept! Who would have thought!? Truly groundbreaking!
Then there is the whole “women are motivated by fear and men are motivated by shame” thing - which is pure stereotyping - and manages to make women responsible for both their own and men’s failings by implying that women evoke the shame response in men whereas women’s fear response is due to their own weaknesses. (We need men to protect us from, uh, … other men?)
This book trades on women’s willingness to accommodate others, and it also plays on men’s terror of being thought effeminate. (Asking your man to communicate with you is really asking him to be a woman! Horrors! We’ll be asking them to clean the toilet next!)
I for one am sick of these “Men and Women are From Different Planets” type books. We aren’t. Isn’t it time we expored our similarities?
Rating: 1 / 5
How to Improve Your Marriage Without Talking About It
Honestly, this is probably a case of me buying the “wrong book” for my needs. I bought this based on the largely positive feedback. Upon reading, I discovered the book is largely directed to couples that have broken off communication altogether, are on the defensive with each other constantly, and are steps away from breaking it off. I gathered from the title that it would address communication barriers, certainly, which I believe men and women have between each other naturally. I just didn’t realize the extent to which the author would build a case tying nearly everything wrong in a marriage back to the male’s need for unabashed acceptance and glorification (i.e. not being shamed) and the female need for security.
I DO actually agree with the author that, in general, these are traits of the genders, accordingly. I just feel the book oversimplifies and generalizes things a bit too much. It paints men as neanderthals, unable (biologically) to communicate, while women are all incessant naggers and nit pickers.
In my own relationship, this simply isn’t the case. No relationship is perfect, and certainly my marriage is far from it, but I (the husband) am quite often the instigator of relationship talk. She seldom nags, we do tell each other we love one another regularly, and there is a general respect and kindness in our home.
We certainly could use improvement in many areas, which I hoped to find in this book. Instead, by far and large, I found a certainly well developed case that shame and fear are at the core of nearly every relational challenge.
The book did have a few high points for me, which will make the $10 Kindle download pay itself back fairly quickly. The last chapter, a formula for marital improvement, is (although a bit hokey) more than likely a gold pot. It’s a short list of super simple routines you can perform daily to demonstrate your love and build a stronger relationship. Also, buried within the rhetoric on shame and fear are some very true but ugly behaviors we nearly all exhibit, and some great ways to accept and acknowledge their root cause and
If your marriage truly is on the very brink of being over and done with, I would definitely read this book. If you feel, or have even been told, that you are the typical male that “never listens, never wants to talk and just shuts yourself off,” this book is for you. Women, if you find yourself chasing your husband around the house trying to engage your husband in confrontation, are burdened with fear of not being protected, provided for, your dreams are being neglected, this book will no doubt be a great resource for you.
I learned a little, skimmed over a lot. I’m still searching for the best book on strengthening the marital bond (as opposed to pretty much restoring a marriage that has been so severaly neglected), intimacy, etc. Perhaps the secret is to do what I have been doing. . . . take in a lot of books, and extract a few “nuggets” from each one until you are properly armed.
Rating: 3 / 5
How to Improve Your Marriage Without Talking About It